When Silence Speaks...

Home is a house without loved ones!

2010-02-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

Home is a house without loved ones!

It was September 24th 2005 when I left my home and since then till now I have been to home like some far away relative staying out of town, visiting our family once or twice in a year during diwali or New Year or some ones wedding. A guest in my own home!

I joined this software industry on 26th September 2005 in Mysore, then I travelled to Pune in 2006 for a year and then to Bangalore in 2007 for one more year and then to London in 2008 for roughly a year and now in USA-2009. In all these 4 years, I have been busy. Busy getting adjusted to life outside home, for the one who has never stayed out of home, in even a hostel before – to handle this freedom yes definitely thrilling J, seeing new places, making new friends, keeping in touch with old ones. Professional career, half yearly appraisal fights, CRRs, freaking and idiotic managers, some stupid colleagues, some shrewd ones, and some of your own frequency.

All this while, I did not really miss my home. What I have overlooked over time is that my parents have been living without me for these 4 years. While I have been doing so many new things and learning and living life newly-daily, my parents did not have any thing NEW to do. All these while; they have just been trying to live normally without having me around. Sitting and typing out this piece of write up, I cannot gauge the pain, the effort they have been and are putting in daily life doing this. I cannot judge the happiness they get speaking to me for 5-10 mins out of the 24 hrs day that I spare myself to give them.

I have never permitted my mind to think, how would they be feeling in that big home, where they have spent 24 hrs with me for last 21 years and now they have to wait at times for couple of days for my call to listen to my voice. I have given liberty to myself to believe that this is how life is and life moves on. Whatever I am doing is for them – yes – I want to earn big sum of money to buy them all that happiness that I can. But lately I have realized the expense at which I am trying to do this is a little too costly. Not that I am cribbing – I know one can’t have a pudding and eat it too.

These 4 years have been eventful-wonderful, I have grown to be mature – at least mature enough to walk if not to run with the world. I have become the financial backbone of my family – i.e my Papa, Amma and Sister. All my onsite tenures have helped me clear the outstanding debts – clearing off tension from my parents mind. As I grew up, I dreamt of being independent, able, earn my livelihood, support my family, and travel around – just like my papa. I dint know, that my day dreaming would come true like this. Today I am whatever I dreamt of with my math or science book open during exams.

But the irony is, I am loosing on things just like my Papa. He gave us everything except himself. My papa was a businessman, which made him go around places and give enough time to just pay visit to us for few days. A guest in his own home! He did lose little happy moments with his 2 little kids and wife, the daily gossips and updates that we brought back home from school, our fights and cries and laughter. We shared all this with our Amma. When papa got retired, we had grown up to college going girls. Long time huh!

I am missing life at home too. I miss chit chatting and fighting with my sister, she misses me not having me around to listen to her college updates, Amma’s shouting’s and Papa’s comments. These days, they keep saying that they want me to come back, back Home! For last 4 years, I don’t know if they kept saying this and I did not notice. Yet I am unable to decide, the course of future. They would not come out of our hometown and I have job constraints in working from my hometown.

I feel, I am following my Papa’s footsteps. Home is indeed just a house without the loved ones!!! I miss my Home, But Life is moving on!!!

(Another day with no work and empty mind – out from devil’s workshop-6th Nov 2009)

2009-10-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

I sit on the shore of the sea
I feel the waves washing my feet
I watch the sun turning red as it sets
I hear the music of the humming breeze

Crying for the ones who aren’t beside me
I spent the day thinking of tomorrow
Now as I sit here watching the sun set
I realize what I have gained and lost

The beauty of this shore just increases
As the sun sets and the moon rises
As the water glitters under the moonlight
And my face reflects the twinkling stars

I lost beautiful seconds of life
Cribbing about things I can’t do anything about
But these moments here, I rejoice
As I smile to my shadow on the shore!

(14 Oct 09- Just like that – on this gloomy morning….as I pen down my thoughts after long timeJ)

The Dusk

2009-07-07T23:42:00.001-07:00

Location: DisneyLand, Orlando-Florida
F/2.8 - 1/40 sec exposure - ISO 80

Attempt to capture the Lamp post with the evening sky background.

Evening SKy-diFFerent anGLe

2009-06-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

A different angle for the evening sky...taken in a park of Greenwich, London. Image is taken in tilted way to coveer the jet trail moving from right to left in the frame... No Processing done.Comments welcome!

Dover cAstle view -dOVER

2009-05-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

Canon DIGITAL IXUS 950 IS--Focal Length 23mm--Exposure Time 1/400 Sec--ISO-80

Like this view more so because of the sailing boat... :)POst processing done to adjust Brightness, Contrast, Levels and Curves

Scintillating evening @ Greenwich

2009-05-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

Canon DIGITAL IXUS 950 IS---Focal Length 14mm--Exposure Time 1/80 sec--ISO-250

Clicked the view of London from Greenwich observatory. The tallest building and St.Paul's church can be seen. Post processing done to increase saturation.You can also notice numerous cranes in air-construction underway :)

Shot of the Elegancy @ Coorg Nisargadhama

2009-05-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

Canon DIGITAL IXUS 950 focal length - 7mm ISO-100 Exposure time- 1/400 sec

Taken in Sepia mode with reduced exposure. No Post processing done.

My camera touches the Touch Me Not flower

2009-05-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

Canon DIGITAL IXUS 950 IS---Focal Length 6mm--Exposure Time 1/60sec--ISO-160

The famous Touch Me Not (Mimosa pudica, छुई मूई ) flower in my garden back home. Photo cropped to eliminate background noise.

London Red bus in front of Big Ben

2009-05-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Canon DIGITAL IXUS 950 IS --Focal Length 6mm--Exposure Time 1 sec --ISO-80

Waited and Clicked at the right moment to catch the trail of the red bus.Took Multiple shot before i caught this. Post processing done on contrast and brightness.

Will be mine now ..forever...

2009-04-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

Drops of rain fell from the dark cloud
I wanted to get drenched in the rain
and dance and play and swirl around
But I could'nt for Mom scolded aloud

Different colors of marbles spread around
boys of the colony were getting together
I wanted to join them and play
but then it wasn't a girly thing on ground

I sang aloud under the showers
with broken lyrics and tune
The next moment i heard a knock
My roommate told don't disturb others

I felt like having a cup of tea
at 2:00 AM in the morning
when I was awake watching a match
and my friend called out "it's not time for tea"

the drizzles and the colors of the marbles
the tea and the singing shower
will be mine now forever
as I go on to choose my life - living it my way....

I want to fly for running isn’t my way..

2009-04-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

I was told to crawl when I wanted to walk
I was told to walk when I wanted to run
I was told to run when I wanted to fly
And then I was told to stop for I could not fly !!!

I did as I was told.. for that was the rule of yours
I was told “That was how we grew and so are you to be”
I stopped and looked back for what did I do all the while
All I could see was someone else’s foot print behind me ...

I want to live now.. the way I want life to be
I want to fly for running isn’t my way
I do not care anymore for the way you tell me
And I will fly for some day you will follow me.

ME on My Day.....

2008-11-13T17:29:00.000-08:00

{As I revisit my blog after one year on this day again ! Dedicated to the child in your heart}

In the blink of the sunrise
There are smiles of the unseen
With the touch of the golden rays
There are dreams of the unknown

In the sway of the flowers
There is laughter of the innocence
With the twinkling dew drops
There is sparkle of the life

This was my world the one that i loved
Where there was smile even in the fights
Have i grown too mature
Or has the world grown out of reach

Its my day ,long back when i would celebrate
But not today as i stand in the land of unknown
Should i celebrate or can i celebrate
Questions like these block my mind

Oh yes!! it's the mind that is blocking
So i have started thinking!!
When was the last time that
It let me be myself than what world expected

To wink at the sun ,
To touch the rays of life
To blush with the flowers
To shine with the dew drops

Today i will live by my own standards
To laugh without any reason
To celebrate in any season
To live my life my way

Happy Childrens Day!!!!

Happy children's day...

2007-11-14T01:35:00.000-08:00

in the silent corridor
was i waiting for the doctor
nurses moving and doctors whispering
people waiting anxiously outside

the lady next to me was serious
and so was the old man across
so were everyone there
gloomy,silent and serious

there came a pair of tiny legs
toddling towards the bench
those pair of twinkling eyes
winking at everyone around

she blabbered and touched the old man
smiled and chattered happily
her sweet voice echoed in the silent corridor
and in no time the silence was lost

lost was the ego of everyone
in the sweet cloud of innocence
in the middle of corridor danced everyone
with the child , children we became.

my freedom....

2007-08-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

i dream of an azure sky
i dream of a sea gull gliding across
i dream of myself high up there
i dream of myself free and happy

some times i feel i am the happiest person
to have this and that
and go here and there
and be with him and her

and there are times when i wish
i dint have all this and that
dint want to go here and there
wasnt with him and her

my heart often whispers to me
how nice it would be if you were free
up in that clear sky you would glide
you would glide like a sea gull

its the freedom...that i wish...

happy Independence day.....

REMAIN LOST IN THE JOURNEY……….

2007-07-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

The clouds so low, the breeze so cool
The chirping birds in the dawn
The misty air blurring the sight
Is this what I wanted in my knees?

Rays of light piercing through the cloud
Struggling to reach the moist ground
The twinkling dew drops on leaves
Just keep going, smelling the air.

Keep walking down the lane
Not knowing to where it leads
Not knowing from where it started
Why is a silent lane so appealing?

Yes, I don’t know where I will reach
Yes, I don’t know how long I will go on
But a beautiful feeling of the journey
Will always be afresh in my heart!

Run Through the Rain

2007-07-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

(Another Forward... But a very touching one... yes... we all do need a washing)

She had been shopping with her Mom in Wal-Mart. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful brown haired, freckle-faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the Earth it has no time to flow down the spout.

We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Wal-Mart. We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I get lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child come pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

Her voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in. “Mom, let's run through the rain, she said. What Mom asked.

“Let’s run through the rain! She repeated. No honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit, Mom replied. This young child waited about another minute and repeated Mom, let's run through the rain. We'll get soaked if we do, Mom said. No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning, the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

“This morning when did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet Don't you remember When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!”

The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes. Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say.

Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. Time, when innocent trust can be nurtured and bloom into faith. ”Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing, Mom said. Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and, yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case.

They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing. Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories. So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories every day!

To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. I hope you still take the time to run through the rain.

What life is and is not about....

2007-07-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

(Just another forward that I received.. but the best of all i read... just to share it)

In the name of God who gave you Life.

Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many friends you have. Or how accepted you are. Not about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.

It isn't about who you're dating, who you used to date, how many people you've dated, or if you haven't been with anyone at all. It isn't about who you have kissed, it's not about sex.

It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have. Or what kind of car you drive. Or where you are sent to school. It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are. Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, Or what kind of music you listen to.

It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown. Or if your skin is too light or too dark. Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everybody else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are. It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport. It's not about repres enting your whole being on a piece of paper and seeing who will "accept the written you."

LIFE JUST ISN'T.

But, life is about whom you love and whom you hurt.

It's about whom you make happy or unhappy purposefully. It's about keeping or betraying trust.

It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon. It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening. About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.

It's about what judgments you pass and why. And who your judgments are spread to. It's about whom you've ignored with full control and intention. It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge. It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow, and spreading it.

But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone.

Only you choose the way those hearts are affected, and those choice s are what life's all about.

Author not known.

Her smile...

2007-07-25T04:03:00.000-07:00

She stared at the dark sky
Mind so blank and soul hollow
An unseen scar on her heart asked "why?"
She blinked and let the tear to follow

A path of rose was what she thought
Trust was the only mistake she did
For someone close she fought
And all this from world how well she hid

Not one, not two but only thorns she found
Trust betrayed, confidence shattered
Unaware of anything and anyone around
With no smile she wandered

Life is love but love is not life dear
Is what her friends preached her
She smiled with a slit wrist and no fear
Life and death were mocking at her

Hope she realizes why is she here
Hope she feels that her smile is sunshine to us
Hope she understands that she is not alone
Hope she forgets the one who betrayed her.