How much is too much?

How much of missing someone is too much?

Being by myself for few years now, I know the perks of independence. But I also know the value of those worried parental background duet - the one that we usually label as nagging.

It’s been 8 years since my dad passed away, but the strangest thing is, it feels like just yesterday. In my head, it feels like in recent past, like maybe last year. It’s only on his anniversary do I actually count the years, and every single time I am caught by surprise.

I am not sad that he left us, I know that’s the way of life.

I don’t mourn the suddenness of his departure in an accident, sometimes I think he was lucky to have escaped all the ailments of old age.

I do however feel a knot in my chest, thinking of how many more beautiful moments we could have had together, of all the missed conversations, of all the philosophical debates, of all those ‘am proud of you’ and ‘I love you’, of that peaceful smile which is now just a memory.

I know explaining things to our parents seems like a battle that wears us down; I have been there, done that, felt it. Although never with my papa, usually it’s my amma.

Nevertheless, my two cents, it’s good to enjoy that pure selfless care and love while it lasts. After my dad, I treasure more than ever, the time I have with my loved ones. It feels good to have my mom and sister around; to whom I have to end up owing explanation for my actions; we bicker, we squabble, but we never give up on each other.

No one loves us like our parents do. And I can never miss my papa enough, making me love my amma and sister twice that much.

How much of mourning is enough? I say, One can never cap out on mourning for their loved ones.

I love you papa, forever.

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