When Silence Speaks...

2020 was a year unlike any other. Well, I probably have said that for all the past years as well, haven't I.  Alright, but honestly 2020 was quite a handful. And yet, I have had quite a remarkable journey. Although, none of my travel plans materialized, nor was I able to get my tattoo done, but still I did end up having quite a few feathers up my sleeve. For starters, like one of my friend said "I Survived Covid" . And managed to stay healthy and safe -  physically ,  mentally  and financially. That's a huge accomplishment. But then thanks to all the lockdown and confinement to "your own home", I had to find way to liberate myself. I wrote a lot in 2020 . I started writing short stories. I also bought a fountain pen and started recording hand-written poems in my poetry book. Some of my posts on insta and blog touched few of my readers hearts, and that was a bonus for me. And I read a lot . Yes. I was inclined to traditional reading, smell of the book and fee

He woke up to the constant buzzing of his doorbell. A sound that’s almost disgusting for a saturday morning.  He knew it wasn’t any of his usual suspects; the maid, the cook, the delivery boy or his crazy friends. His saturday morning was going to be uneventful. Precisely why he was up until 3 AM previous night, binge watching a Netflix series that was long due.  And when he had finally gone to bed, after cleaning a bowl of instant noodles and beer, he had no intentions of moving any part of his body till late that afternoon. So this constant buzzing was not just a mild discomfort but a breach of code, an unforgivable act of crime. He thought to himself... The person was either foolish or sadistic. No one in their right mind would think of waking up an office going guy on a saturday early morning 8 AM without prior notice. As though the damn corporate finance job was not enough to squeeze the life out of my soul, here comes Lucifer, the devil himself to wreck my weekend as well.

“ What makes you think it’s you? ” She asked cocking her head to her right giving him a studying glance. He thought he was sure, but now looking at her piercing eyes, he wasn’t so sure after all. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and clearing his throat said “ Well, you know, you always write about broken heart. And ahem, we both know, how that happened. So.. you know, I thought that it’s written around our relationship .” “ Hmm ” she said, straightening and sipping her bourbon.  “ But now looks like I was a fool to think that? ” Now it was his turn to shot that questioning glance. “ You were always a fool. You know that right. But anyway you were my fool! ” She smiled. “ I like the sound of ‘my’ there. But I am getting a feeling there’s no place for it anymore? ” he asked with slight nervousness. “ Tell me Erhan, why are you really here? I have my assumptions but I want to hear it from you. Tell me. ” She leaned forward, throwing her full weight on the table and her full attention

You don’t know me. And what you know of me is not even half of who I am.  It’s not that I am too private. I say what I feel, and although I am on open book, I am just not too easily readable. But tell me, why would you want to know me? Or rather know EVERYTHING about me? We as humans obsess about knowing everything about each other, especially about the ones we love. We want to believe that we KNOW what they think, what they like, who they are etc.. I think it comes to us naturally.  But, we don’t. No matter how close we are, there’s a part of us that’s always too private. That cannot be shared. Sometimes we ourselves don’t know who we are. I believe, you should just be happy with the part they share with you, and who they are when they are around you. And remember, who they are when they are with you depends on who you are around them. There’s always a disclaimer- they are a different person when they are with someone else. And they are a different person when they are a

“You came!” He exclaimed. She looked up at him and smiled. “Yes I did. I had to right?” “I dint think you would return. I dint think you would believe an old guy.” He said playfully. “Oh, I believed you. The moment you had pulled me into your tight and warm hug, I had no choice but to believe everything you said.” She winked at him.  “Hahaha. That’s too dramatic. It was a cold night.” He shook making a rustling sound. “Yes, it was. I remember pitching my tent right here beside you. And talking to you till almost sunrise. Somehow, I was able to talk to you so freely. I had felt at peace that night after what seemed like almost an eon.” She sat at his foot leaning her back on him and pulling her backpack next to her. “It was a beautiful night though. No moon, but a starry sky and loads of snow. You had quite some shovelling to do that evening.” He said stifling a giggle.  “That I did.” She laughed taking her flask and pouring herself a mug of tea. “Aah. That warm sweet sm

He took a deep breath in, and could sense a familiar fragrance. He quickly opened his eyes and looked around.  He kept telling himself ‘ No, it can’t be. ’ And yet his heart was secretly hoping he could catch a glimpse of HER. But the air now smelled of freshly brewed coffee, cupcakes, pastries and a regular morning.  He knew that aqua and wild flower fragrance mixed with a shade of her too well. That unique scent. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Was he imagining things? But why would he? He hadn’t thought of her recently, she wasn’t on his active mind.  Subconsciously? Yes. Yes of course. She had never left him. And he had learnt to live with her memories. It wasn’t painful anymore. So why would he make up stuffs all of a sudden? No. He wasn’t hallucinating. He definitely smelled that scent a few minutes back.  Tired of craning his neck, he stood up, thrusted his hands in his pockets and started scanning the cafe. He just tried to act like he was looking for a friend. 

There’s a stranger staring at me   And in my bones I feel I know her But my heart fails to remember  She smiles  that infectious smile I wonder what she’s so happy about  She questions what am I so sad about  I say life She laughs harder, longer That innocent laugh seeps into my heart I smile I ask what’s so funny She says life I laugh, just a little I ask if I know her She hoped that I never forgot her I think harder She smiles broader I remember the glint in her eyes Those were my eyes When I was young and carefree  How? How can I forget who I was? She now smiles with affection  I cringe How did I get this far? I don’t know who had changed? Me?  My reflection?  Time? or Life? She says it didn’t matter. As long as you remember to smile. I smile. A burden lifts from my heart. I forget what I was sad about. But I remember what she was happy about. She is no longer a stranger. We smile.