When Silence Speaks...

4 years back, a friend of mine lost his father to cancer. It was for the first time when something like this had happened in my friends circle after I grew mature. Back then I dint know how to react to such a situation. Should I call him, would I disturb him, would he even like to talk about it, would it give him comfort or cause him more pain, should I rather mail him and so on? I dint know what to do. I mailed him, called him once and refrained from calling further; thinking he needed some lone time. It’s the last situation you would want any of your friends to be in. Losing a dad or mom feels like an unimaginable incident. And not having been through it, it makes it more difficult for any of us to deal with it. On August 15 th 8:00 AM IST of this year, I was standing in that situation. My parents met with a road accident and my dad passed away on the spot leaving my mom injured. I was here in USA; my relatives and immediate family members dint want to disclose the fact to me.

No matter how long the night is, there will be sunrise ahead of it. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. We always hear these encouraging words when we are in tough times. People always refer to tough times and bad incidents to darkness. I have started to wonder why? Why do we refer darkness to negativity? Why is the night feared? Why do people say darkness is to death as light is to life?  Past few days have been the toughest in my life so far. I have been through a lot of tough and sad times; but this one beats them all. And I have been thinking through it; this write up is a product of these thoughts. Over last few days, I have realized that these tough times are the ones that bring out our hidden true self. When a person walks in the darkness, all his fears come out. There is no one to run from and nowhere to run to; no place to hide; because you see nothing. It’s just dark! As soon as the dawn breaks, the outside world comes to life and your inner self

I have a journal with Buddha’s quotes printed on its pages. Once in a while I flip through the pages until one quote catches my mind and starts its wheel of thoughts. It generally depends on my mood, chain of events in the recent past, probably just the state of mind at that moment which finds some solace in one of those quotes. Yesterday was one such day, when I wanted to put on my thinking cap and do some self-review.   The quote that caught my eyes and mind was “There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.” I don’t know why but this quote caught my attention and took me into the world of thoughts, analysis, reasoning, philosophies and self-debates. As soon as my eyes fell on this quote, I suddenly reacted saying I don’t think I agree to this and then I began writing. I have grown up listening to and eventually believing in the concept of Karma - what you give is what you get. Do good and good things will happen to you, do bad and you will suffer.

“ It’s high time. You have to let go. ” Everyone hears this line at some point in life. So what is this letting go stuff? Why is it so difficult for few of us to let go of something or someone? I have few people in life who fall into this category of “ should let go of ”; which I haven’t been able to till date. They have moved on, probably don’t even remember me or the incidents involving us. Their priorities have changed; couple of them are family people now and others may be just busy with their lives. So why is it hard for me to behave normal when thoughts or names of these people come up? Does that mean I am emotionally weak or my feelings for these people were much stronger or just that I haven’t been able to accept the reality? It is hard at least for me to believe that people and situations can change so fast. To see that folks who were your best buddies or partner for lifetime can one fine day just turn into complete strangers. My friends say I am stuck in the past and a

I read an article today; “Taking the aggression out of masculinity” printed in The Hindu; Jan 3 rd  2013; OP-ED section. The writer had done a great job listing out areas that outlines masculinity in our society. I know it’s an old article; I was going through the editorials of this year in preparation for the IAS exams. So what made me start typing out this write-up? I am getting to that. This article was in response to a dreadful event that shook our country early this year – rape and death of a young woman in Delhi. The author of above mentioned article has done a beautiful job of giving a complete different perspective of finding the cause instead of commenting on the cure. Personally, such events disturb me, to an extent that I get an intense feeling of vomiting when I read or hear such things. A disgusting feeling; A feeling of helplessness; which I cannot express. But I am not here to talk about this event, I probably am not strong enough to visualize such event and comm

Sometimes I wonder how time flies and how I flew along with it. It looks like yesterday when I flew out of my little nest into this limitless azure sky. I have been flying since then. My wings have grown stronger over the years beating against the windy storms during my journey. Soaring into the sky, I had a different feeling, a feeling that I never knew of when I was dwelling in my nest with my loved ones. I have flew over different gardens, in different seasons, meeting and leaving behind many friends and loved ones. Now I build my own nest wherever I go, live there and fly again into new place. People say that someday you have to return to your nest; someday one stops and looks back; someday time stops and you stop flying. The way we look at things, at people, at emotions, at relations - everything changes with time. Our needs, our interests, our likes-dislikes transform as we continue to discover ourself. The road to destiny is in finding oneself - but I hardly have met of a

हँसते हँसते चुप हो जाते है पलकों पे एक अश्क की मोती आ रूकती है अपनों के साथ भी दिल को लगता पराया सा है भीड़ में भी कभी हो जाते तनहा हम है ।। कातिल नहीं वो लेकिन कातिल से कम भी तो नहीं मौत तो नहीं हुई है पर क़त्ल ज़रूर हुआ है उसने जीने की तमन्ना का गला घोंटा है हमसे न पूछो की वो मुजरिम है की नहीं ।। मुजरिम नहीं करार सकते उसे क्यूंकि सज़ा हम दे नहीं सकते उसे उसपे आंच आये ऐसा चाहता नहीं ये दिल खुश रहे बस यही दुआ करता है ये दिल ।। ज़िन्दगी का यह कैसा मज़ाक है खुदा ने मुहोब्बत जैसा गुनाह बनाया क्यूँ क्या सिखाना चाहता था वो इंसान को की मरकर भी कैसे जिया जाता है?? उसीकी यादों की गलियों में बार बार दिल मुड़ता है जानता है गुमराह होगा वो जानता है गम की अंधेरों में डूबेगा वो पर फिर भी गलती दोहराने पे मजबूर है वो ।। दर्द दरिया सा समाया रहता है इस दिल में पर मुस्कुराने की ख़ता करने पे मजबूर है अपना उसे कह नहीं सकते और पराया वो कभी होगा नहीं ।। चलो अब गुनाह कर ही लिया है तो सज़ा ए गम भी भुगत लेंगे हम जीकर मरने की ख़ता कर ही ली है तो मरकर जीने की कोशिश भी कर लेंगे हम ।। -स

शीशे की दरारों में फसे सूरज की किरणे फर्श पे जमी हुई कीचड़ की दाग हर चीज़ पे धूल का पर्दा बिछा हुआ जैसे ओडी हो यादों की घूँघट इन सबने || मानो जैसे हर दीवार केहती कोई कहानी है जैसे वो टूटा हुआ आइना छुपाती किसीकी जवानी है उस झूले में जैसे दबी किसीकी मुस्कराहट है सब कैद है बस इंतज़ार में एक उसके || वो सावन जब भीगते थे घंटो तक आँगन में भागते थे एक दूसरे को छेड़ते पूरे घर में अब न वो बारिश रही न वो मासूम छेड़कानी बस रह गयी है तो ये फर्श पे जमी कीचड की दाग || वो आइना जिसने निहारा उनका खूबसूरत साथ जो शर्माके नज़रे झुकाती जब वो पास उसके जाता बालो में गजरा लगाता, काजल का टिका लगाता इसे भी इंतज़ार है फिर से उस जवान महोब्बत का || वो झूला आज भी डूबते सूरज से पूछता है क्यूँ ज़ंग लगी है उसमें, क्यूँ नहीं प्यार से उसे कोई झुलाता न वो शाम रहा जब वो एक दुसरे की बाहों में घंटों तक झूलते और न वो सूरज जिस से वो एक दुसरे की नादान शिकायत करते || बस इक आहट से उनके, इस खँडहर में जान आये उनके छूने से जी उठे हर एक चीज़ हट जाये यादों का ये धुंधला पर्दा बस प्यार की एक बूँद के लिए तरस