It was just yesterday when..

A Decade. 10 Years. 120 Months. 3653 Days.

I wanted say who’s counting. But looks like even if I wasn’t, life was.

That’s how long it has been. I don’t want to count the hours, minutes or seconds. Because to me, it feels like just this morning. Maybe to my sister it feels like a few hours ago. And to my mom it might feel like just a second ago. I cannot speak for them, I don’t want to.

But yeah. It’s been that long since we last heard your voice. Since we last saw your smiling face. Since I last had you respond to my calling “Papa”.

For anyone who is going through a loss and asking themselves “Will it hurt less as time flies?”, My answer, 10 years later, are my wet eyes and running nose.

Is it weird that I am in tears as I type this 10 years later; while I was able to hold them back 10 years ago on this day? (I still don’t know how I did it, maybe because you once had asked me to) Maybe. Maybe not. I am in no mood to psychoanalyze myself.

“Time heals. It will hurt less.” I never for once fooled myself into believing these words. This void my dad has left in us will always hurt.

But what time does, is help us live with this pain, a little more gracefully with a little more acceptance and without us coming apart at the seams.

Yes, death is part of life. We know it’s coming. But this crude fact doesn’t make it any easier for the living to move on like it never happened.

We miss you Papa. I miss our chats; the monologues I have now are no fun. Our love for you has not faded one bit, not that you ever doubted it or that you care anymore.

We will continue to be happy, continue to talk to you like you are around us, continue to live like you are watching us, continue to tell your stories to the one’s who didn’t know you; all while still hurting for not having you in our life anymore.

Thank you for being there for us, for as long as you could Papa. We will remember you till we forget how to breathe.

Comments

Ahamasmi Yodha - My First Tattoo

I finally did it. It isn’t a great achievement to show off, but for me it’s one more item on my bucket list getting fulfilled. So I am very happy about it. What did I do? Oh like I said nothing great – I just got my FIRST Tattoo :) My first Tattoo Artist I had done a lot of research on it since last couple of months. I wanted to get it done on my birthday, but it somehow dint work out. For all the first timers, I wanted to list out my personal experience, just in case it helps :) First of all, I felt it will be very helpful if you have some friends who would have got it done already. But I dint have that privilege. So I went through lot of blogs and articles in About.com, Wikihow, YahooAnswers etc… Well Google, the new lord of knowledge :) has all that you need to know. So, in summary, what I got from all these sites were First decide on what you want to get tattooed and where. Go over it again and again, since it is permanent, you will have to live ...

Life... A Blank Page!

Whenever I open a notebook and come across the set of blank pages; my mind goes blank. For some reason, it always reminds me of my life. It forces me to start thinking about my life; about the past and the future. Being part of the age of computers and belonging to the IT industry, I hardly get an opportunity to actually pick a pen and write in the notebook. I write lot of blogs, poems etc… but I write them on the webpage or in Microsoft word in my laptop. Once in a while I like to go back to traditional form of writing; using the actual pen and paper. And in last few years; I noticed that every time I try doing that for some reason the blank paper gets me all philosophical. Although I never have that thought while opening the book; but whenever I see those blank pages; I just go blank. I always feel that my life is staring back at me with all those unanswered silenced questions, doubts, thoughts…forcing me to think – What does my lif...

When Life Humbles You

When you are planning life, life makes it's own plans and often takes you by surprise. Not that you grow arrogant knowingly, but we all tend to take life for granted while on our mission to success. There are often times when we oversee simpler yet most important ingredients of life. I believe that's when someone takes control of life to put a brake and slow you down. It has various innovative ways to slow you down. Nothing uncommon in the world, but definitely very new to you. I have always been slowed down by life, ever time I rushed through doing tens of thousands of things. Now looking back, I think once every 2-3 years, I am pulled over the freeway of life for speeding. This time it was my health. I have been an anti doctor anti hospital person despite of coming from family of doctors. I believe in home remedies. Steam will take care of my cold; drink some herbs for immunity, tolerate pain without painkillers, go to gym or running when you have headache so on and...

Zindagi Gulzar Hai - A feast to ones eyes!

Today I am here to make a much interesting comparison of our current Indian TV industry with our neighboring country’s television industry. Interesting because I never thought I would ever engage in watching any of the Pakistan TV series/movies or listening to their music. My disinterest in Pakistan entertainment was not because of the tensed relationship with the country. But I myself am not a big fan of TV serials. The kind of drama that is filled in Indian TV Channels today is just exhausting and tiring to watch. I hardly follow any Indian TV series. When I visit home on vacation, I join my family in watching the program they watch and that’s how I keep myself updated with what is trending in the TV industry. I love listening to music and I listen to all genres of music. I did start listening to Pakistani music since last few years and have admired their music. Strings, Fuzon, Kaavish, Jal, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Ghulam Ali, Parveen Abida, Quratulain Baloch and many ...

My Favorite Read - 6 - The Climb by Anatoli Boukreev (and Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer)

So, now that I want to get into some serious mountaineering activities, I started with reading books on mountains. When you check for top few books on mountains the one that comes up is " Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer " followed by “ The Climb by Anatoli Boukreev" ; both based on the 1996 Everest disaster which was made quite controversial. I started with "Into Thin Air' and while I was reading, I was continuously in conflict with Jon's views. Mind you, my memory is pretty weak when it comes to remembering details of any story - whether its books or movies. I had watched few documentaries and the Everest movie based on this topic; but that was a while ago. when I started reading this book 2 weeks back, I had no background; you can say I was totally new to this story. And yet, it was difficult for me to understand some of Jon's accusations or feelings. But nevertheless, Jon's style of writing was amazing; he knew how to keep reader's...

Breaking the Habit...

I walked down the street, with wind blowing up my face and my head feeling kind of light. For the first time I could feel the breeze on the back of my neck; and I loved it. My friend had come to pick me up, and he said " Not bad ". I went home and my roommate took a few seconds to react. She said, " It's Okay ". After almost 15 minutes, she said " You know, I am kind of getting used to it now. It looks fine. You carry it well ". And everyone I met afterwards had a reaction; " Why in world did you do it? ", " It's you, so it's okay. For someone else, it would be so horrible ", " You ruined it ", " You look like a school going girl " etc... etc... I still remember my friends reaction when I told 2 months back that I wanted to do it. No one was for it, everyone tried to convince me against that thought. Okay, alright, so much for all the suspense. What did I do? I got a Haircut . Yeah right. It...

King vs Prince or Queen vs Princess, Battle is still ON!!

I was at a beauty salon today, a normal day with a bunch of ladies waiting for their turn. I was waiting for my friend to finish, when a gentleman entered with his teenage daughter. They waited for their turn, and on their turn the girl went and sat on the chair. She said to the beautician " threading of upper lips " and then she called her dad. He came and stood by her side. When the lady started threading, her dad stretched his hand out, she held her dad's hand tightly to overcome the pain. For those who don't know, it does hurt quite a bit, not too bad but depends on persons ability to withstand pain. I heard him say " My brave girl. Just a few more minutes" . I have seen varieties of shades of a father daughter relationship, but this was really sweet and bold. I haven't seen girls getting their dad inside the beauty salon, neither can I imagine dad consoling a daughter during threading or waxing. But either ways, Dads will always be the King...

Don't let the tamed ones tell you how to LIVE!

I came across this image on someone’s Facebook wall; and I couldn’t resist it. It triggered various thoughts in me that I was compelled to write a blog. I spent major part of my last decade trying to get things settled in; to plan for a backup with a backup so I could do something seriously adventurous. But it was not until late last year that I realized I should no longer wait for a timeline to stabilize professionally, financially, personally to pursue my interests. I don't need to follow a linear approach. I don't think I can ever have enough savings to quit the job and pursue hiking/travelling/painting full time (and well, I am not a lottery person either). And I don't think I want to quit the job in the first place, I want to continue supporting my needs. One thing that I did, last few years was try and pursue my interest whenever I got a chance. But what I started doing since last 6 months is, to create those opportunities to pursue my interests; and align...

Combat with Mosquitoes in Delhi Airport - 15 Dead

Yeah, if I owned a news channel or newspaper; then headlines today would read exactly like this. I was in transit in Delhi Indira Gandhi Airport and I had to wait for 4 hours; and trust me it was hell. It’s been ages since I have actually fought with mosquitoes, so for a bit I felt I might lose the battle with them. In my childhood days, during rainy season, it was a time pass for us kids, clapping hands trying to kill mosquitoes. As disgusting as it may seem; back then it definitely was a fun filled activity. It’s been over couple of decades now that I have actually dealt with such an army of healthy & fit mosquitoes. I spent first hour trying to be civilized; just shooing them away; but then I had had enough. I went from defence to offence. Within the next hour I killed roughly 15 mosquitoes; captured in my closed fist more than 10 mosquitoes and released these war prisoners safely alive. Honestly even today, it kind of gives a sense of accomplishment to accurately ...

Compliment Someone, Because, Why Not?

Last week a customer service lady at self-checkout area of Loblaws walked up to me and asked if I was at the store the previous day. I indeed was. I was surprised she remembered me, and was also confused as to why would it matter if I showed up on consecutive days. You know how at times your brain goes a million miles per sec and causes you to question all your life choices? I was running all the reasons in my head as to why someone would care about my grocery schedule. So, it was in that slightly confused state I replied, albeit politely “ Yes, I was here yesterday. The huge watermelon I bought did not allow me to complete my entire grocery checklist as I had reached my single trip haul limit, so I am here again to buy rest of my items ”. Meanwhile, my inner voice was shouting “ Why are you justifying your grocery trip to this random lady? Like who cares? ” Me being me, where my face clear as water always shows what I feel inside; she must have seen that confusion clearly danci...

When Silence Speaks...

Search This Blog