Home is a house without loved ones!
It was September 24th 2005 when I left my home and since then till now I have been to home like some far away relative staying out of town, visiting our family once or twice in a year during diwali or New Year or some ones wedding. A guest in my own home!
I joined this software industry on 26th September 2005 in Mysore, then I travelled to Pune in 2006 for a year and then to Bangalore in 2007 for one more year and then to London in 2008 for roughly a year and now in USA-2009. In all these 4 years, I have been busy. Busy getting adjusted to life outside home, for the one who has never stayed out of home, in even a hostel before – to handle this freedom yes definitely thrilling J, seeing new places, making new friends, keeping in touch with old ones. Professional career, half yearly appraisal fights, CRRs, freaking and idiotic managers, some stupid colleagues, some shrewd ones, and some of your own frequency.
All this while, I did not really miss my home. What I have overlooked over time is that my parents have been living without me for these 4 years. While I have been doing so many new things and learning and living life newly-daily, my parents did not have any thing NEW to do. All these while; they have just been trying to live normally without having me around. Sitting and typing out this piece of write up, I cannot gauge the pain, the effort they have been and are putting in daily life doing this. I cannot judge the happiness they get speaking to me for 5-10 mins out of the 24 hrs day that I spare myself to give them.
I have never permitted my mind to think, how would they be feeling in that big home, where they have spent 24 hrs with me for last 21 years and now they have to wait at times for couple of days for my call to listen to my voice. I have given liberty to myself to believe that this is how life is and life moves on. Whatever I am doing is for them – yes – I want to earn big sum of money to buy them all that happiness that I can. But lately I have realized the expense at which I am trying to do this is a little too costly. Not that I am cribbing – I know one can’t have a pudding and eat it too.
These 4 years have been eventful-wonderful, I have grown to be mature – at least mature enough to walk if not to run with the world. I have become the financial backbone of my family – i.e my Papa, Amma and Sister. All my onsite tenures have helped me clear the outstanding debts – clearing off tension from my parents mind. As I grew up, I dreamt of being independent, able, earn my livelihood, support my family, and travel around – just like my papa. I dint know, that my day dreaming would come true like this. Today I am whatever I dreamt of with my math or science book open during exams.
But the irony is, I am loosing on things just like my Papa. He gave us everything except himself. My papa was a businessman, which made him go around places and give enough time to just pay visit to us for few days. A guest in his own home! He did lose little happy moments with his 2 little kids and wife, the daily gossips and updates that we brought back home from school, our fights and cries and laughter. We shared all this with our Amma. When papa got retired, we had grown up to college going girls. Long time huh!
I am missing life at home too. I miss chit chatting and fighting with my sister, she misses me not having me around to listen to her college updates, Amma’s shouting’s and Papa’s comments. These days, they keep saying that they want me to come back, back Home! For last 4 years, I don’t know if they kept saying this and I did not notice. Yet I am unable to decide, the course of future. They would not come out of our hometown and I have job constraints in working from my hometown.
I feel, I am following my Papa’s footsteps. Home is indeed just a house without the loved ones!!! I miss my Home, But Life is moving on!!!
(Another day with no work and empty mind – out from devil’s workshop-6th Nov 2009)
It was September 24th 2005 when I left my home and since then till now I have been to home like some far away relative staying out of town, visiting our family once or twice in a year during diwali or New Year or some ones wedding. A guest in my own home!
I joined this software industry on 26th September 2005 in Mysore, then I travelled to Pune in 2006 for a year and then to Bangalore in 2007 for one more year and then to London in 2008 for roughly a year and now in USA-2009. In all these 4 years, I have been busy. Busy getting adjusted to life outside home, for the one who has never stayed out of home, in even a hostel before – to handle this freedom yes definitely thrilling J, seeing new places, making new friends, keeping in touch with old ones. Professional career, half yearly appraisal fights, CRRs, freaking and idiotic managers, some stupid colleagues, some shrewd ones, and some of your own frequency.
All this while, I did not really miss my home. What I have overlooked over time is that my parents have been living without me for these 4 years. While I have been doing so many new things and learning and living life newly-daily, my parents did not have any thing NEW to do. All these while; they have just been trying to live normally without having me around. Sitting and typing out this piece of write up, I cannot gauge the pain, the effort they have been and are putting in daily life doing this. I cannot judge the happiness they get speaking to me for 5-10 mins out of the 24 hrs day that I spare myself to give them.
I have never permitted my mind to think, how would they be feeling in that big home, where they have spent 24 hrs with me for last 21 years and now they have to wait at times for couple of days for my call to listen to my voice. I have given liberty to myself to believe that this is how life is and life moves on. Whatever I am doing is for them – yes – I want to earn big sum of money to buy them all that happiness that I can. But lately I have realized the expense at which I am trying to do this is a little too costly. Not that I am cribbing – I know one can’t have a pudding and eat it too.
These 4 years have been eventful-wonderful, I have grown to be mature – at least mature enough to walk if not to run with the world. I have become the financial backbone of my family – i.e my Papa, Amma and Sister. All my onsite tenures have helped me clear the outstanding debts – clearing off tension from my parents mind. As I grew up, I dreamt of being independent, able, earn my livelihood, support my family, and travel around – just like my papa. I dint know, that my day dreaming would come true like this. Today I am whatever I dreamt of with my math or science book open during exams.
But the irony is, I am loosing on things just like my Papa. He gave us everything except himself. My papa was a businessman, which made him go around places and give enough time to just pay visit to us for few days. A guest in his own home! He did lose little happy moments with his 2 little kids and wife, the daily gossips and updates that we brought back home from school, our fights and cries and laughter. We shared all this with our Amma. When papa got retired, we had grown up to college going girls. Long time huh!
I am missing life at home too. I miss chit chatting and fighting with my sister, she misses me not having me around to listen to her college updates, Amma’s shouting’s and Papa’s comments. These days, they keep saying that they want me to come back, back Home! For last 4 years, I don’t know if they kept saying this and I did not notice. Yet I am unable to decide, the course of future. They would not come out of our hometown and I have job constraints in working from my hometown.
I feel, I am following my Papa’s footsteps. Home is indeed just a house without the loved ones!!! I miss my Home, But Life is moving on!!!
(Another day with no work and empty mind – out from devil’s workshop-6th Nov 2009)
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ReplyDeletewow Saru.... i will really harass u if u stop writing these impromptu write-ups..!! :):)
ReplyDeleteIn a very subtle writing... u hv brought out a very very painful point! I am touched and happy you decided to write your thoughts.
It's difficult time for us... but think abt it in this theory:
1) Every human dreams to attain exclusivity in what he is known for.
2) Our parents give up on their speed to attain their dream... to make us live up on our own (when we are growing and dependent on them)
3) But now... your happiness, your self-attainment, your success will give them the exclusivity they desired when u were not born.
They'll be excusively known as ur parents when u truimph in life! This is the thought that makes them relax in the 24 hrs in 10 min call you make.
I know this is not an ideal thought... but it makes me go on and not loose my love for them... and my focus on my fight of an identity.
I love the simple, yet effective way in which you write.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up is tough. But you have done a good job of it so far!
How to contact with you I'm new here's in this world of bloggers
ReplyDelete