What do you think of, when you hear this word?
Irrespective of your sex, reflect on your thoughts for a couple of minutes. Now, ask an elder in your family the same question, and evaluate their opinion.
Growing up, my dad would say this often to my sister and I; ”I might not leave a fortune behind, but I would like to impart highest level of education in you, which will enable you to make informed decisions or choices in life.”
And true to his words, he enabled both his daughters to be successful productive members of the society. One an engineer and another a doctor, both working professionals.
Granted, my mom is the most independent woman I have seen in my life, however, far as education she had her reservations. She definitely wanted both of us to be fairly educated, but she, like rest of the society, saw education as a means to an end - which was - a suitable prospect for marriage. So, naturally daughters getting higher degrees would be challenging the hierarchy and shortening the list of potential son-in-laws. The more successful the daughters are, finding a competitive match became harder. Her mantra was, let them study further once they get married.
And, this was not too long ago either, it’s in this very 21st century, just about 15ish years ago (I am not ancient you see). There was a push back when I wanted to enroll in engineering college, when I wanted to take up a job, when I wanted to move outside my hometown etc..etc.. Despite of all this, I considered myself lucky because even with all the societal prejudices and their own skepticism, my parents respected my choices, which is a privilege I don’t want to make light of.
The reason I threw in my backstory is to say, I can understand and appreciate women standing their ground in the patriarchal society with little to no support from their own kind. I respect women who defied the society to get decent education and land respectable jobs, who lived their lives battling biases everyday, everywhere.
The right to vote, the right to equality, the right to freedom, the right to divorce or remarry, abolishing many other orthodox practices regarding women; all of this was and are, understandable and honourable fights.
For women to get equal human rights. This was and should continue to be the heart and soul of feminism.
The key is “equal human rights”. Man or woman, every individual should earn the respect they deserve. Not for how they are born, but for what they did with their life. And they should have equal opportunities to do what they want with their life.
What people tend to forget is that historically women were never advertised as weak. If anything, they were the driving force in all the stories we were told, whether it’s Artemis of Greece or Cleopatra of Egypt or Goddess Durga of India etc. Goddesses to Queens, Mothers to wives; women have always been respected for their wisdom, strength and endurance in every household. Somewhere in the recent past, women became a symbol of weakness, a butt of all cheesy jokes and jabs (“don’t be such a girl”, “don’t whine like a girl”, “don’t fight like a girl”, “girls are meant to just marry and have kids” etc…).
Somewhere in the recent past, being a housewife became a not-quite-good-enough role for a woman. Like, if you were “just” a wife, “just” a mother, you were somehow lesser.
I remember growing up, jabs being made at me for being a girl and what I was lacking or how I was unfit for a multitude of things and a burden to my parents; which no doubt made me pretty angry and determined back then. I just wanted to prove that as a daughter I could do everything for my parents that world expected a son would. (And, it wasn’t as much being like a son, as it was being a strong shoulder to support my parents. The characteristics of strength and stability was, and to a certain degree is still, mapped to masculinity, which in my mind is absolutely fine. Men are physically stronger than women. That’s a fact, and I don’t contest that.).
But being a housewife in olden days was a very tough occupation. It was manually, emotionally and intellectually labor intensive profession. Maybe today, it’s so much easier since we have got all sorts of machines to help us, that wasn’t the case up until mid-late 19th century. If you talk to your grandmother, you will hear what their daily chores looked like. So I am still uncertain, why or how this role got so discounted.
Anyways, I took up the challenge, I worked through it to be a successful independent woman. And in doing so, I have met some of the most amazing men in my life.
So it bothers me when I see today’s women demonizing masculinity in the name of feminism. You see, to uplift yourself, you don’t need to condemn others. That’s not the path to equality.
The term “toxic masculinity” is used so liberally in every damn conversation that it’s losing it’s true meaning. Men are being pushed in every relationship to be mindlessly apologetic. My body My choice, Me too etc… are stretching the boundaries beyond limit.
I agree, that no matter what, how we dress or behave should not be an incentive for others to abuse us. That’s the testament to their character. However, that also does not mean that one goes on defying basic decorum of the society without being accountable for its consequences. For instance, you dress or act in a sexually provocative manner publicly; to make a statement, to garner attention. But attention can come in any shape and form. And when you are at the receiving end of unpopular attention, you are offended. You preach about boundaries, respect, ethics. You play the victim card.
Here’s the thing though. The very same “freedom” that allows you to behave the way you do, also entitles rest of the society to their opinions and actions.
Is it right? Of course it is! You reap what you sow. Mindfulness is a two way street. If you can’t apply it at your end, you can’t expect others to apply it towards you either.
Today’s world is a perfect place where Feminism has objectively met it's goal. All we now need is to maintain it. Women have equal opportunity by law around the world, we have access to education, healthcare, politics, job opportunities; in general our own life. Yes, there’s the cringeworthy mindset of some narcissistic men, but that does not define the rest of the mankind.
Honestly, there’s nothing left for the Feminist activists to do. So now, we are making up stuffs to expand our horizon. We are creating problems, so we can have something new to fight for, to advocate for. Abortion pills over the counter, right to nudity, body shaming, slut shaming, etc…
When our ancestors began the movement, they were living in a world so much worse than ours. But if you talk to any of them, you won’t hear them whine and bitch like most women do today.
As I mentioned earlier, my mother is a strong smart woman. My grand-mother was a force to be reckoned with. Most of the older generation women I have met in my life, even though uneducated and deemed “just a housewife”, were iron-willed and respected by their families and neighborhood. And they are thankful for how far as a society we have come.
The way we are moulding the attitude of current generation is heartbreaking., From the tough resolve of earlier generations, where determined women would always find a way in the harshest of environments to prove their ability; to the constant complaining and craving for validation of current generation, who expect things be offered to them on a platter; it’s annoying to say the least.
I have experienced biases, I have fought them within the family and outside in the world, I have seen some of the worst times for being a girl or woman; but it was caused by men and women alike; and I have fought some of the worst nightmares with the support of men.
So, if you think I am some privileged woman sitting on my high horse making these comments; you are damn right I am, but I went through a lot of shit to climb that high horse. And because I have seen both sides of the coin, I can consciously evaluate some of the righteous claims current feminists make.
One should always know when it’s the right time to stop. For Feminism, it’s about time.
If we don’t stop now, we will start undoing everything we have accomplished so far. That’s the blood, sweat and lives of hundreds of thousands of women since the 18th century who fought for this cause. Let’s not cheapen their struggles. They don’t deserve that.
Your privileged righteousness can find a different cause to entertain your social media justice warriors.
Leave feminism alone. There’s no need to add bells and whistles to it anymore.
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