When Life Humbles You

When you are planning life, life makes it's own plans and often takes you by surprise. Not that you grow arrogant knowingly, but we all tend to take life for granted while on our mission to success.

There are often times when we oversee simpler yet most important ingredients of life. I believe that's when someone takes control of life to put a brake and slow you down.

It has various innovative ways to slow you down. Nothing uncommon in the world, but definitely very new to you. I have always been slowed down by life, ever time I rushed through doing tens of thousands of things. Now looking back, I think once every 2-3 years, I am pulled over the freeway of life for speeding.

This time it was my health. I have been an anti doctor anti hospital person despite of coming from family of doctors. I believe in home remedies. Steam will take care of my cold; drink some herbs for immunity, tolerate pain without painkillers, go to gym or running when you have headache so on and so forth. For last 10 years in US, I haven't been to doctor even once. So my pain tolerance is high, I tend to ignore subtle signs and stay healthy.

That's how I got to a point of not getting into a hospital until 10 days after rupturing my appendix. (Yes, Yikes!)

And the entire process has been quite humbling. It's amazing that there is so much to learn and comprehend in life.

This one, the life in and out of hospital, away from family, undergoing surgery and everything else; a complete humbling experience. The saying is true, one cannot gauge the depth of any situation until they don't go through it themselves.

I have come to understand and empathize with a person's life in hospital; appreciate the nurses; the life of a patient is not easy. Especially if you are a very active independent person, egoistic, doesn't like taking help of any sort; you have a lot more to deal with - outside the physical trauma; the extent of emotional and mental taxing cannot be explained.

For me it was the second part. Physical pain wasn't the part I was worried about. I could tolerate pain. I trusted the doctors. I wasn't scared of syringes or being slit or stitched. I wasn't nervous about surgery. But the entire process had me tied to a bed, confined to a four walled space for 12 days without being able to step out. I had to ask for assistance to get out of bed. I moved around like I was a video played in slow motion mode. It was like you were driving at 100 mph one moment; and within couple of minutes you were brought down to 3 mph. Yeah, not 20 mph but less than 5 mph.

I had just one friend who was with me in the hospital, but she was heading out of town; and I was by myself without any close family or friends. I don't get homesick, but having to talk them on skype, seeing them worried in a far away land wasn't helping me much.

That's when your blessings count; I had people come to see me whom I did not know personally that well. We realize amidst all the selfishness in this world, there is still selfless kindness by strangers.

Trust me, after 7 weeks under treatment with restricted lifestyle, daily morphine shots, on narcotic pain meds for days, and finally 3 days post surgery today; being able to get out of bed by myself; and able to walk around by myself; seems like such an accomplishment.

So yes, I have been so so busy with my professional life; that last 20 months I hardly had taken time out to just take a break for myself. This medical situation forced me into hibernation; away from my work, from my daily routine or traveling. It was a kind of revival which I had not asked for, but was necessary for me.

Life probably felt it was necessary to pull me back and force me to sit for a while. My priorities realigned. I almost was ready to quit my job, leave everything behind in US and head back home for a year's break with family. But like everyone says, never take any life changing decision while you are on a hospital bed; it's probably morphine playing on your nerves :)

For people fighting cancer or life threatening disabilities; life is definitely much much harder. I shudder at the thought of what one goes through. What I went through is not even close to 1% of complex medical situations out there; and am thankful for what I have today.

My dad always wished that he did not want to die sick/bed ridden or survive any accident with disability. I wish that too. I am glad he got what he wished for.

Past few weeks has redefined gratitude, kindness, love, and life's priorities/expectations/goals. It has humbled me in it's own way.

Dated - 2nd June 2018

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When Silence Speaks...

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