Been a while.
Not because my life stopped being interesting. But because I stopped listening. Somewhere between me running my life and life running me around, I lost track of stillness.
There’s this weird sense of not belonging to a place or time. I know with every passing second, a part of me is getting lost to the past; like this dandelion, loosing a part of itself to the wind. (Clicked this pic during my walk earlier this week). It’s not about growing old or fighting the battle against time.
It’s just…I know I always advocate the sense of contentment. But being content also makes you lose sight of future. I am always present, always immersed in what’s at hand which works really well; until I stop and lift my head to look around, and all of a sudden I feel like a lost kid in a crowded fair.
There’s this sense of uneasiness, like everyone’s headed somewhere and I am just aimlessly floating away. It’s kind of what people call existential crisis, which generally is triggered by big life changes, but in my case it’s an annual bug that shows up unannounced.
But unlike existential crisis, I don’t question very fabric of my existence neither am I looking for a grand purpose or meaning of life. My view of life is very simple. I am happy to exist. I accept my present reality. I continue to better myself. And am happy to share my journey with others I meet along the way.
I guess it’s one of those things that I have always found hard to communicate or put to words. I can’t really explain what it is, but trust me the restlessness is very much real.
Well, it is what it is. And anyways, this feeling is not new to me. It’s exhausting but at the same time liberating. It always ends up opening locked doors in my head that I didn’t even know existed. I just have to take time to see what’s in store this time around.
At least it feels good to put this out in the universe.
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