(Forced) Rules of Friendship!!!!

We have all grown up listening to the statements “Man is a social animal”, “No man is an island” etc… True to the saying; we have all spent our lives with family, friends, relatives, colleagues etc…

The kind of company we keep has always been pried on by everyone who cares for us. As kids, we are kept away from “Bad” company. As we grow and start choosing our own friends/company, we are advised over and over and over to stay away from “Bad” company. Your parents will leave no stone unturned to show how much they hate "That One" friend of yours, whom you respect or like to hang out with. How “That” friend of yours is not of your kind; how he/she will ruin your life; how he/she has an ulterior motive to DESTROY you. And am sure all of you would have screamed, SERIOUSLY Mom/Dad?

Oh wait; if you have opposite sex as your friend, you are screwed big time boss! You are definitely on the schedule for the dose of daily drill. “All boys are out there to cheat you”, “All girls are there to take advantage of you”, “Oh come on; you can’t be just friends with a girl/boy” etc… And well in India we see instances where even friendship with different religion, caste, region, class is considered tabooed.

We are never old enough to decide whom we can hang out with. I don’t blame the parents; there definitely are instances where few have been lucky enough to escape from the grip of crime while some screwed up their life due to bad friendship. I am not pointing towards those extremists. I am talking about you and me; just the normal friendship; about those friends whom you see as good person; you know that his/her family is normal just like yours; but you just cannot get your family on-board with the idea of your friendship. Just because of their preset notion or view about that person.

I am sure we all have had one or more such friends, whom we would love hanging out with, but couldn't have the family or relatives approve of it. That causes most of us to maintain 2 profiles in life, one at home/family/society abiding by their code of conduct, and another amongst the friends or loved ones. And trust me; the 2 profiles almost never match. For eg. Back home you are praised for not touching any alcohol, but in friends circle, you spend almost every night partying with drinks. There is always a cover up story about your friends, or lovers, or where you go, or what you do or wear or eat or drink etc… However sad it may sound, it’s true; some of us are lucky to have those 2 profiles nearly same but for rest it’s a lifelong act they have to put up.

I fall in the first category but not on easy grounds, there was always a fight/argument/heated discussion; call it whatever you want; trying to convince my parents about my friends. And well although they don’t approve of my friends, they know they don’t have a choice. They know that I would continue being what I am, then why not stay informed about me than be blind sighted. You know it’s better to know the truth that your daughter/son is with a “Devil” so that you are prepared; rather than assume that he/she is with an angel and be left off-guard. As the idiom goes – “Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know “or the improvised version “A know devil is much better than an unknown angel.”

Being protective of your loved ones, is one thing; but trying to change the course of their life based on the choices you force them to make is another. Friends or any company you choose; open you up into a person you want or love to be. So the influence factor keeping you away from such friends actually makes you a complete different person. Most of us wind up more than half of our life in a shell due to these influences, and the rest of our life we spend fighting ourselves “to or not to” break this shell. A deal quite expensive I dare say!

For heaven's sake, when your choice of clothes or food does not match your kids taste, how can you choose friends for them?

Nevertheless, what I spoke so far is just a small segment of the real topic I wanted to share my thoughts on. There comes a point in life where these “No man is an island” kind of sayings is used more as a weapon or an ultimatum from heavenly bodies. Yes, the Rule of Marriage.

I have tried myself to hold off from writing on this subject for quite some time now. But here I am, for some reason, I felt I must write down my thoughts on this for my own future reference, you see. However, when I started penning down my thoughts, I actually realized that the influence of the family on the choice of your life partner is not something that happens overnight, it’s a continuous process right from our childhood.

I will write on the Rule of Marriage some other time. As you can see, this one ended up as an article on the Rule of Friendship! For now, to all the friends out there, Happy Friendships day!

-Sarita

Dated – 2^nd Feb 2014.

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