That One Thing...

I was heading back from office with a friend, and we were listening to Manzilien apni jagah song. And my friend started saying "What a relief Amitabh Bachchan would have had when he started to prosper in acting; a feeling of 'This is it. I am getting paid for something that I am not only good at but also enjoy doing.'” Isn't it true? I mean imagine the satisfaction he would have got when he realized that he needn't hunt for what he needs to do in life anymore. He finally knew this was where his future lied and all he had to do was focus on it.

There are some of us who believe that it's always good to keep passion away from money; because the moment you start doing it for money you will lose the interest in doing it; you will not put in your heart and soul into it. I partially agree with it.

I love painting, but if I am asked to create a painting by end of the month,I might not do justice to that painting. I paint when I feel like painting. There are times when I go on a painting spree and paint like 4 paintings a week and sometimes I don't pick up the brush for months together. Same is the case with photography or pencil sketches or Music. I love to engage in them to give myself a break from the routine life. Well I can sell my paintings, the ones I create during my leisure time, and gain monetary benefit out of it. But all these paintings or sketches seem so precious that I cannot feel like parting with them. Each one of them have a story and a kind of attachment.

With age people tend to accept a routine life style. A job or business, an income to fulfill basic needs and then more money for better lifestyle, a family, kids, their education and so on. In today's world earning a livelihood in itself is no less than fighting a battle. So being content in life is definitely a virtue today.

But I just cannot settle for a routine lifestyle. The sense of contempt that grows in me is intolerable at times. A guilt keeps creeping into me that I am not doing justice to my life, that I am wasting away the only opportunity that God has given me. Like I said , I have a great job, a good package, have fulfilled my responsibilities climbing up the ladder into a respectable position in the family and society. But I don't want to be lost in this crowd. This so called Perfect Life that the society treats as a standard for measurement of success; feels like a prison to me. I just want to break free from this and do something different. And the biggest part of my problem is that I am unable to figure out what that something different is.

I always have this feeling of what the heck am I doing with my life. I feel restless, feel like doing something. I don’t know where my passion lies. I don’t know what is it that I can keep doing till my last breath and not get tired of. I am good and quite well off with my job. But this is not something that I want to do my entire life. There's something else and I just hope I find that out soon. Because I know once I figure that out ; I will never look back. I know very few lucky ones discover what they want to do and then spend their entire life on it. Some succeed, some don’t, but at least they finally did figure out what they wanted.

Anyhow, I am still keeping my eyes, ears and heart open to catch an opportunity that I would dedicate my life for. Until then, happy officing ;)

-Sarita
Dated - 24th Feb 2015

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When Silence Speaks...

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