I am not a relationship guru. Never was.
And have never understood what it really means either. I believe, no one is an expert when it comes to emotions.
Having said that, I also believe in a simple logic, something that applies to all aspects of life, especially relationships -
Communication.
It's strange. All the tools and techniques that are forced upon us as kids, is to enable us to communicate. Alphabets, words, languages, speaking, writing, reading, listening, analyzing - all the skills that we spend a good part of our initial 20 years, focus on our communicative abilities.
And what do we do with it?
For the rest of our lives, we shy away from using those skills in the situations when it's most needed.
What's also strange, is compared to olden days, today we have more platforms that enable different mode of communication. You don't want to meet in person, you have FaceTime or video calls. You don't want to see or listen, you can leave voicemails. Or just leave text messages or emails. You really don't have to hold your feelings or thoughts. You have hundreds of instant options at your finger tips.
And yet, what mode do we choose?
Silence.
We stop communicating.
We think, that's the best way. To avoid conflict. We believe that some words need not be spoken. They are simply understood.
If I am blocking your calls, avoiding your messages, it means I don't want to talk to you. It's that simple.
But is it really that simple?
We are not speaking of some random stalkers here. We are talking of a real person who has been a part of your life, with whom you have shared good moments - a friend, a lover, a spouse, a sibling, a relative, a colleague, a roommate etc...etc.. For some reason you both had a fallout. You may hate that person now. Understood. But does that mean that person doesn't deserve any respect at all?
When you fire an employee, you tell them the reason for it. As an employee when you quit, there's an HR panel trying to understand why you are doing it. You fire a maid, a watchman, a babysitter - you tell them of their dismissal yourself.
When someone like them who are not close to your heart still gets a decent exit, how can you be so impassive to people who meant something to you?
Or is it that you are not brave enough to face your decision?
It's probably acceptable when you tell your decision to the person, listen to their reactions, you continue to disagree, and if that's causing you a heart burn, you cut out. I get this. It's not worthy to dwell on sour emotions.
But to never communicate your thoughts to the person, assuming that they would or should understand, and yet should never discuss of it - I have never quite followed the logic behind this. In fact, I haven't seen anything more disrespectful than this.
To forbid a relationship it's deserved closure, is such a mockery of one self.
I am not saying I have handled my fallout gracefully. I am one of those rude, straight forward, blunt lass who lacks grace in any form. But, even in my worst times, I have never walked off without talking to my counterpart. I might have not listened when needed, I might have been angry, frustrated, hurt, offensive, basically emotional - but I never vanished into thin air. I always stood my ground.
And, no, am not going through another break-up right now. This is not about me. Just some recent discussions made me think about this attitude of our generation.
I have lost count of how many such people I have encountered in my life. It almost feels like that's the new normal. Something our older generation can never relate to. And its so disheartening to see people from our generation and younger alike, resort to this mindset more often than necessary.
How did we get so weak?
Why are we so scared to speak?
How did conversation become so rare in this age of communication?
Having said that, I also believe in a simple logic, something that applies to all aspects of life, especially relationships -
Communication.
It's strange. All the tools and techniques that are forced upon us as kids, is to enable us to communicate. Alphabets, words, languages, speaking, writing, reading, listening, analyzing - all the skills that we spend a good part of our initial 20 years, focus on our communicative abilities.
And what do we do with it?
For the rest of our lives, we shy away from using those skills in the situations when it's most needed.
What's also strange, is compared to olden days, today we have more platforms that enable different mode of communication. You don't want to meet in person, you have FaceTime or video calls. You don't want to see or listen, you can leave voicemails. Or just leave text messages or emails. You really don't have to hold your feelings or thoughts. You have hundreds of instant options at your finger tips.
And yet, what mode do we choose?
Silence.
We stop communicating.
We think, that's the best way. To avoid conflict. We believe that some words need not be spoken. They are simply understood.
If I am blocking your calls, avoiding your messages, it means I don't want to talk to you. It's that simple.
But is it really that simple?
We are not speaking of some random stalkers here. We are talking of a real person who has been a part of your life, with whom you have shared good moments - a friend, a lover, a spouse, a sibling, a relative, a colleague, a roommate etc...etc.. For some reason you both had a fallout. You may hate that person now. Understood. But does that mean that person doesn't deserve any respect at all?
When you fire an employee, you tell them the reason for it. As an employee when you quit, there's an HR panel trying to understand why you are doing it. You fire a maid, a watchman, a babysitter - you tell them of their dismissal yourself.
When someone like them who are not close to your heart still gets a decent exit, how can you be so impassive to people who meant something to you?
When you choose to end a relationship, how can you not be answerable for your decisions?
Do you really think just stomping out of someone's life or kicking someone out of your life without any notice, is acceptable?
Or is it that you are not brave enough to face your decision?
It's probably acceptable when you tell your decision to the person, listen to their reactions, you continue to disagree, and if that's causing you a heart burn, you cut out. I get this. It's not worthy to dwell on sour emotions.
But to never communicate your thoughts to the person, assuming that they would or should understand, and yet should never discuss of it - I have never quite followed the logic behind this. In fact, I haven't seen anything more disrespectful than this.
To forbid a relationship it's deserved closure, is such a mockery of one self.
I am not saying I have handled my fallout gracefully. I am one of those rude, straight forward, blunt lass who lacks grace in any form. But, even in my worst times, I have never walked off without talking to my counterpart. I might have not listened when needed, I might have been angry, frustrated, hurt, offensive, basically emotional - but I never vanished into thin air. I always stood my ground.
And, no, am not going through another break-up right now. This is not about me. Just some recent discussions made me think about this attitude of our generation.
I have lost count of how many such people I have encountered in my life. It almost feels like that's the new normal. Something our older generation can never relate to. And its so disheartening to see people from our generation and younger alike, resort to this mindset more often than necessary.
Wikipedia reference to Silent Treatment - The term originated from "treatment" through silence, which was fashionable in prisons in the 19th century. In use since the prison reforms of 1835, the silent treatment was used in prisons as an alternative to physical punishment, as it was believed that forbidding prisoners from speaking would encourage reflection on their crimes.
Like seriously? Something that was categorized as a punishment for prisoners is our normal behavior today? And no one finds it weird? What am I missing here?
How did we get so weak?
Why are we so scared to speak?
How did conversation become so rare in this age of communication?
Comments
Post a Comment