Marriage - an Over rated Relationship!

Every other person in this world no matter where they belong to are scared of definitely one thing - Marriage. We have Love vs Arranged marriage. Love marriages also have commitment issues, but its manageable and far better than Arranged marriages since the groom & bride know each other well enough to discuss and resolve issues.

But even otherwise, why is marriage so overrated? Why is a commitment to husband or wife seem life threatening? I mean we go out of our ways to help our friends, and there's absolutely no reservations there. Why cant marriage be kept as simple as that? The reason why there is so much of involvement and hype around it, is why the things go worse than imagined for most of us. I mean, there is a slight misunderstanding, and the whole world stands in front of you giving you free counselling. As if you are a 10 year old child with no knowledge of how to deal with people;or whats good or bad; or how you want your life to be.

Why; between friends don't we resolve our issues? The reason I am not bringing in family to prove my point is because families are not our choice. We do resolve family issues between parents or siblings; but we don't choose our parents or siblings. They including relatives are part of our life , which we cannot change even if we wanted to, so we accept things and do our best to keep the relations.

But friends are families that we choose. We pick strangers as our friends, we get to know them, invest time and emotional energy in them by choice, we fight and get back together by choice. Its what we do because we want them in our lives. We don't have to maintain a double personality in front of them. There is no societal rule or bonding that ties us to them, there's nothing stopping us from breaking apart, from walking away from each others lives. But still we stick to each other in good and bad times.

In similar fashion, we are picking some random stranger as our life partner in arranged marriage. And if we keep an expectation to start the relationship as friends, it suddenly becomes a joke. The rules around what to do and what not, the list is exhaustive. And every other living soul in this world thinks they have a right to give suggestions and provide free counselling to you when it comes to your marriage. The moment you choose a life partner, you are expected to treat him/her like your lifeline.I know of enough people who have cut off from their friends because of their husband/wife. I still dont understand, how can a stranger be the most important person in your life just because he or she is labelled your husband or wife?

This is the main reason why today, everyone is scared of commitment. You aren't given liberty of taking time to understand each other and gradually like a person. And if you dont like him/her, then you cant simply walk away, because then you will be labelled Divorced; a word most dreaded in our society. I know its all the responsibilities, the kids, financial stability etc..that add to the fear. I am not saying there will not be misunderstandings. People who have real good friends will know what friendship involves. But right now I am targeting just the basic emotional part of it -liking for each other. That doesn't come all of a sudden or just because there is a rule or law around it.

Why is such a beautiful relation the most feared one today? Just imagine, a life changing relationship, marriage, which one should accept with lot of happiness and confidence; is the one that we get into with lot of suspicion, doubt and fear.

I really hope the outlook towards institution of marriage changes, and people start involving themselves in it more openly. Couples should be together because they want to; not because they have to. Just like we as friends stay together.

-Sarita
Dated - 20th March 2015

Comments

My Favorite Read - 6 - The Climb by Anatoli Boukreev (and Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer)

So, now that I want to get into some serious mountaineering activities, I started with reading books on mountains. When you check for top few books on mountains the one that comes up is " Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer " followed by “ The Climb by Anatoli Boukreev" ; both based on the 1996 Everest disaster which was made quite controversial. I started with "Into Thin Air' and while I was reading, I was continuously in conflict with Jon's views. Mind you, my memory is pretty weak when it comes to remembering details of any story - whether its books or movies. I had watched few documentaries and the Everest movie based on this topic; but that was a while ago. when I started reading this book 2 weeks back, I had no background; you can say I was totally new to this story. And yet, it was difficult for me to understand some of Jon's accusations or feelings. But nevertheless, Jon's style of writing was amazing; he knew how to keep reader's...

Ahamasmi Yodha - My First Tattoo

I finally did it. It isn’t a great achievement to show off, but for me it’s one more item on my bucket list getting fulfilled. So I am very happy about it. What did I do? Oh like I said nothing great – I just got my FIRST Tattoo :) My first Tattoo Artist I had done a lot of research on it since last couple of months. I wanted to get it done on my birthday, but it somehow dint work out. For all the first timers, I wanted to list out my personal experience, just in case it helps :) First of all, I felt it will be very helpful if you have some friends who would have got it done already. But I dint have that privilege. So I went through lot of blogs and articles in About.com, Wikihow, YahooAnswers etc… Well Google, the new lord of knowledge :) has all that you need to know. So, in summary, what I got from all these sites were First decide on what you want to get tattooed and where. Go over it again and again, since it is permanent, you will have to live ...

Dear Dost

Dear Dost, I know you are dealing with a lot in life. A lot has happened in the past that has changed you. A lot is happening right now, that is forcing you to change. A lot of decisions you have to make that's exploding your brains. You are multi tasking like some superhero. You have issues at home, in the family, in your personal life, that you are juggling with. You have professional problems that you are dealing with. A lot - that's what's happening to you right now. When I met you, I saw "a lot" has changed in you. I have changed too, and so have you. But what I could not ask you was - are you still you? I remembered Gulzar's words, written back in 1995 (atleast that's what the source says, I had listened to Jagjit Singh singing this, and it had registered in me since then). din kuchh aise guzārtā hai koī jaise ehsāñ utārtā hai koī dil meñ kuchh yuuñ sambhāltā huuñ ġham jaise zevar sambhāltā hai koī aaina ...

Home is a house without loved ones!

Home is a house without loved ones! It was September 24th 2005 when I left my home and since then till now I have been to home like some far away relative staying out of town, visiting our family once or twice in a year during diwali or New Year or some ones wedding. A guest in my own home! I joined this software industry on 26th September 2005 in Mysore, then I travelled to Pune in 2006 for a year and then to Bangalore in 2007 for one more year and then to London in 2008 for roughly a year and now in USA-2009. In all these 4 years, I have been busy. Busy getting adjusted to life outside home, for the one who has never stayed out of home, in even a hostel before – to handle this freedom yes definitely thrilling J, seeing new places, making new friends, keeping in touch with old ones. Professional career, half yearly appraisal fights, CRRs, freaking and idiotic managers, some stupid colleagues, some shrewd ones, and some of your own frequency. All this while, I did not really miss my ho...

Celebrating the Bridge for Friends!

Just like any other bridge, this one plays a role of connecting you and me. Some are brand new, very inviting, clean and pure, presenting to be strong, yet to get exposed to the harsh reality of life. Some have weathered in many seasons, with few bars of railings missing, few broken planks, yet they stand strong, like huge metal bridges. Some are reinforced with fresh materials every few years, so we stay connected strong and safe for entire lifetime. Some are beyond repair, standing there rusty and broken. Not because it's impossible to fix the gap, but just waiting for equal support from the other side to mend it. Some were meant to serve one another just once. The need to cross that bridge never arose again, doesn't mean we don't remember how important that bridge was in our journey. To new and old, deep and shallow, strong and weak, connected and broken friendships, I am grateful to have known you one way or another. Happy Friendships Day! 🍻

Love, Loss and Father's Day

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now, but somehow words fail me. I started writing, and stopped at the first two sentences, erasing and rephrasing, re-iterating the process every time I attempted to write this. 8 months later, today on Father’s day, I think I finally am able to put words into meaningful sentences. It’s weird how most of the times, I just need an inspiration, an idea or a feeling to write pages together without any effort; and then there are times, when my mind is cluttered with so many thoughts ,eager to be put on paper that I find it hard to form a single straight sentence. But I feel like writing today, so here it goes. My best friend lost her mom to a health incident few months back. When I spoke to her she asked me how did I handle it when my dad passed away few years back. I could not explain it to her then, I just said you will learn to live through it. That was when I first tried to write this blog. Even after so many years, ...

Alaska Diaries - Innocence is Fearless

Innocence is fearless. Innocence is free from consciousness of how it gets perceived. Innocence just acts, reacts at free will. On the Denali National park bus, there was a 6 year old boy, Matt. While driving in the park, there were couple of folks riding the bike, and the guide made a comment " We call them Meals on the Wheels! " ; we all giggled, smiled for 2 secs ; like we did on most of his jokes; and got back to the normal serious self. After almost a minute or two, this kid started laughing out loud. And he told his mom " Oh.. Now I got the joke. Oh that's so Funny. Hahaha.. Meals on the Wheels!! " and he was laughing his heart out. He was the only one in the bus laughing but that dint stop him from doing so. For a full 8-10 mins, he went on and on , reminding himself of that phrase and laughing. I laughed for 4-5 mins with him just because of the way of his laughter; I couldn't control. This happened in the morning; but now on the way...

Zindagi Gulzar Hai - A feast to ones eyes!

Today I am here to make a much interesting comparison of our current Indian TV industry with our neighboring country’s television industry. Interesting because I never thought I would ever engage in watching any of the Pakistan TV series/movies or listening to their music. My disinterest in Pakistan entertainment was not because of the tensed relationship with the country. But I myself am not a big fan of TV serials. The kind of drama that is filled in Indian TV Channels today is just exhausting and tiring to watch. I hardly follow any Indian TV series. When I visit home on vacation, I join my family in watching the program they watch and that’s how I keep myself updated with what is trending in the TV industry. I love listening to music and I listen to all genres of music. I did start listening to Pakistani music since last few years and have admired their music. Strings, Fuzon, Kaavish, Jal, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan, Ghulam Ali, Parveen Abida, Quratulain Baloch and many ...

A Pink Soap Box

There it was. I was cleaning my bathroom cabinets and it was hiding in the bottom shelf. A small plastic pink soap box. I held it and was instantly taken back to year 1999. When I had been in a hostel for the first time in my life. For the first time I was staying away from home, away from my family, all by myself in some unknown place with strangers. Not until 7 years later that I finally moved out of home and started living independently, did I experience that same nauseated feeling again. But that day, that moment, it was going to be the first time in my life, staying away from my family, and first’s are always special. It’s funny, how this pink soap box takes me on a time travel right back to that moment. The school was just about 15 minutes walk from our home. But that year they had some summer camp, that required kids to stay for 15 days in school’s hostel. I remember my uncle and mom dropping me off near the hostel gate. It’s...

World of Truths!

I have had different encounters in life, learnt different lessons, seen different people, dealt with different situations. I remember those days when I used to converse with my dad on how things and people were back in his days, and it has gradually changed with time. Changes are inevitable correct? People adapt with time, things change, time travels and world revolves around it. So it's all good. Change is good. But few instances in recent past has made me wonder, how much of all these changes have impacted human values. Basic values like Truth and Honesty. Those were the days when a man gives his word, he sticks to it till his last breath. There were no stamp paper, no documents to hold him accountable to what he says. It was just the words that were told by him and heard by the listener. And today, truth is changing its color every second. Chanakya says " A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first ." ...

When Silence Speaks...

Search This Blog