Dear Dost

Dear Dost,

I know you are dealing with a lot in life. A lot has happened in the past that has changed you. A lot is happening right now, that is forcing you to change. A lot of decisions you have to make that's exploding your brains. 

You are multi tasking like some superhero. You have issues at home, in the family, in your personal life, that you are juggling with. You have professional problems that you are dealing with. 

A lot - that's what's happening to you right now. 

When I met you, I saw "a lot" has changed in you. I have changed too, and so have you.

But what I could not ask you was - are you still you?

I remembered Gulzar's words, written back in 1995 (atleast that's what the source says, I had listened to Jagjit Singh singing this, and it had registered in me since then). 

din kuchh aise guzārtā hai koī 

jaise ehsāñ utārtā hai koī 

dil meñ kuchh yuuñ sambhāltā huuñ ġham 

jaise zevar sambhāltā hai koī 

aaina dekh kar tasallī huī 

ham ko is ghar meñ jāntā hai koī 

Someone is spending his days

as if he is repaying a debt.

He carries sadness in heart

as if it's a treasure.

He felt solace when he saw the mirror

that someone knows him in this house.

:) Something Gulzar wrote 25 years back. If you think this is sad, do me a favour. Go and stand in front of the mirror, and look at yourself. Do you recognize yourself? 

What is sad, is you have changed, and you have not noticed. What is sad, is you don't even know if you wanted this change. What is sad, is you don't know whose life you are living. What's sad is, you haven't spoken to yourself in years. What's sad is, you don't recognize that person in the mirror.

If my words are pricking you, then this letter is addressed to you. If my words are making you uncomfortable, then every word in this blog is written for you. 

If my words so far have touched you, it doesn't mean your life sucks. It doesn't mean that you are never happy. It doesn't mean your choices were wrong.

Just sit for good 5 minutes, and think, think of what you were, and how you have gradually changed. If this brings a smile on your face, then show that contentment in life. If this brings anger, frustration or sadness, then please don't shove it aside saying there's nothing you can do about it. 

All I want is for you is not to lose that sense of YOU in this world. You might have a great house today, a wonderful family, beautiful kids, successful job.If you are not content in life, then it's because your true self is getting lost in this world. And if you are not paying attention to yourself then you will never know what you have become and what you can become. 

I am not asking you to revolt against the situations. You did the best you could. But find a way to be happy and content with your choices. Every one has problems. You think I am a free spirit with no problems, you will be surprised what my life has dealt with. Like I said, I have changed. I have changed "a lot", and you might have noticed that. But I know how much I have changed and what has changed me. And am happy of who I have become. 

Like Gulzar says

Ik baar toh yun hoga, Thoda sa sukoon hoga

Na dil mein kasak hogi, na sir mein junoon hoga

You have a great life my friend. You can be so much happier and content, if only you hugged yourself and appreciated yourself for what you have dealt with. It wasn't easy for you. To make those choices, to make those sacrifices, to change yourself into who you are today. But you did it. If you are feeling sorry for yourself, then it's time you take time for yourself. Talk to yourself, hug your soul and say that you appreciate everything you did in the past. Love the things you have by your side today. If there's a lost hobby from a decade ago, restart it. Blow that dust off the guitar in the attic and play some tune for your kid. Sit in a cafe alone for atleast 30 minutes in a week, spend time with yourself.

Ideally you should be talking to yourself everyday. But it will take practice, to bring yourself back in your life. Your life is filled with your family, your spouse, your kids, your boss, your client, your work, your friends, your relatives, your home, your office etc.... What's missing in your life is YOU. Start slow, start with finding atleast few minutes in a week. It's not about being alone blindly. Going on a walk for 30 mins with blank mind, won't help. Sit in a park and talk to yourself, start asking questions, about the present, about the past, about the future. Talk about what you truly feel, about what your heart feels as you, (just you, not as a mother/father, a husband/wife, a brother/sister, a daughter/son; but just as you). Not what your mind thinks by keeping everyone else as priority. 

I am not saying you should make decisions keeping yourself at the centre. I know life doesn't work that way. But it is very important that you know what your heart wants, and then what choice you have made keeping all other elements in mind.

We lose our way when we don't know where we came from, and where we were heading to. That's what you are going through right now. You are walking a path, you ran, you slipped, you fell, you got hurt, you got up, took help, continued walking, took quite many turns, you dint stop, you kept walking. But you were so focussed on the movement, in making sure that you never stopped, in making sure that you kept walking, in removing all those hurdles to make way; so busy that you completely lost track of where you started in the first place. 

Life is a journey where you have to find a way to keep moving ahead; and that's exactly what we all are doing. Changing our route as situations demand, to make sure we don't stop. But if you don't keep track of your route, then you will never know what you have achieved so far.

Dear friend, this life and this world is a blessing you have in hand. Don't throw it away. 

Want to dedicate these lines to you, Gulzar again,  

Tum aa Gaye ho, noor aa gaya hai

nahi toh charagon se lau ja rahi thi. 

Jeene ki tumse wajah mil gayi hai

badi bewajah Zindagi ja rahi thi.

Haan dost, Tumhari zindagi ko tumhara intezaar hai dost. Yeh filmy lagega tumhe par yeh sacchai hai mere yaar. You need to find yourself.

I love you Dost. And I could not put my heart to rest until I shared my feelings. I don't know if I have made you feel worse or better. But I hope you get my message. I hope you find a way to rediscover yourself. I hope you find that solace. I hope next time you look in the mirror, you will see that person smile back at you. 

With loads of love and hugs

Me.

(To few of my dear friends that I hold close to my heart, whom I met in last couple of years after a long time. And to those I have not met for long time now. I hope you are proud of what you have become. I love you guys.)